A federal judge has killed the Florida law prohibiting doctors from asking if patients have a gun at home. Docs vs. Glocks, the wise guys called it. That’s a blow, but not all is lost. The state of Florida, a subsidiary of the National Rifle Association, may appeal and that would be good because it provides a way to spend all that extra money which is lining the lanes of Tallahassee.
We still have our assault rifles, which are really useful if you get caught in the cross fire of a drive-by shooting in Miami. We also hope the state will support a new organization we are trying to form. The NRRA is the National Recoilless Rifle Association. Our goals, developing as we type, include having a recoilless rifle in every home, school, church and doctor’s office in Florida.
For those too young to recall, the recoilless rifle was a long tube shaped like a long tube, which was developed before World War I. It was designed to give the average G.I. Joe a chance against a tank. In theory it would shoot a big bullet, usually about 84 millimeters – the same size as the famous 84 millimeter gun and instead of recoiling like a typical field artillery piece, it would offset the sudden-forward motion by blowing stuff, sometimes called countershot, out the rear. It has been commonly supplanted by more modern hand held rocket launchers, which can bring down airplanes. The problem with the recoilless rifle, which was tried during the Korean War, is that it never worked too good, even when mounted on wheeled vehicles, boats, donkeys, etc. The first models, when mounted on vehicles, had their trunnions set too far back, and sometimes the tube swung around and shot the person firing it. The crew sometimes took off the trunnions and put them on Philadelphia cheese steaks. Not too bad with tabasco.
A use was occasionally found for recoilless rifles it in fighting avalanches (this is true), which are rare in Florida, but it was never effective in warding off hurricanes. Despite their dubious value, the army ordered a lot of them, and as a result there are more of them on the surplus market than collectors of famous failed weapons can absorb. Which is why we have formed the NRRA. We are hoping that some of the 900,000 people in Florida who have concealed weapons permits would apply for permits to carry a concealed recoilless rifle. Now some may say a six-foot tube is too long to conceal comfortably. Maybe on the actually body, but they could conceal them on top of their cars. Besides a lot of readers of this piece have deep pockets, or at least golf bags, which would facilitate concealment. Also a box of golf balls might make more effective ammunition than the big bullets the rifles originally shot. There’s precedent for that. Early cannon shot 105 millimeter balls capable of knocking a body in half at hundreds of yards, but they also used grapeshot, which was basically a bunch of golf balls glued together which came apart over sand traps and hit everybody hiding there.
Well, if none of these ideas come to fruition, at least we have a new organization called the NRRA. Maybe state government can come up with a use for it. They’ve had dumber ideas.